Sean gazed morosely at the rivulets of rain streaming down the darkening window-pane, his own grim face reflected back at him mockingly, as if by a malign mirror.
Sighing heavily, he stubbed out a cigarette and automatically reached for the packet to take out another.
He was stuck here in bloody London, waiting for the premiere of North Country and it was that miserable limbo between the lights, parties and over-indulgence of Christmas and the promise of Spring.
'Christ, will it never stop raining ?' He realized that he had voiced his thoughts aloud and smiled bitterly, reflecting, as he poured himself yet another stiff drink, that actually, the foul weather suited his mood perfectly.
How many times had he re-played that last conversation with Viggo in Toronto ? He was damned if he could work out exactly what had gone wrong.
He and Viggo had clicked immediately on being introduced in New Zealand. They had formed an alliance, based on the fact that they were of a similar age, liked what Sean called "proper football" and preferred drinking beer in pubs to the frenetic night-clubbing and dancing favoured by the elf and the hobbits.
They had quickly become close friends and one night, when Sean had been hurt and angry over his latest domestic disaster, resulting in his getting very drunk, Viggo had taken him home and looked after him.
Somehow, the morning after, they had ended up in the shower together and the relationship had moved up a notch. They had remained the closest of friends, but now they were sexual partners too.
The relationship had continued ever since and for Sean it had been a revelation. Apart from some less than satisfactory adolescent fumblings, his extensive sexual experience had been purely heterosexual before Viggo. Sean had been overwhelmed and delighted to find that with him, he had enjoyed the best sex of his life.
And it was great to have a good mate you could have a beer with and settle down to watch a good footie match with, then go to bed with and fuck through the mattress.
Of course, it wasn't a relationship they could admit to in public. Sean had his image to consider and it would have been death to his Hollywood career for any rumours that he was gay to get out. Not that he was gay, of course. He had been married three times, after all and still had his share of girlfriends. This was something else. This was a close friendship with added benefits.
As for Viggo, well, he had this quirky, bohemian artist thing going on and he didn't even accept labels like "gay" and "straight". He was always just..Viggo.
Their friends in the Rings cast and crew had known there was something more than just friendship going on, but by a general unspoken agreement it was never referred to and in that cocooned world in New Zealand they had felt safe and relaxed.
After Rings, they had parted with affection and over the years had managed to get together a few times each year, always falling into their easy relationship and basically ripping each other?s clothes off at the first opportunity.
Sean valued this friendship with fringe benefits, even though he couldn't say that they talked regularly on the phone and he was notorious for forgetting birthdays, and such, although Viggo never forgot his.
Each time they had met and bonded all over again, invariably ending up in a tangled, sweaty heap at the first opportunity. Sean had felt guilty that he didn't make more effort and wished they could get together more, but he had always rationalized things by reminding himself that they had work commitments and were busy men. It wasn't as if they were a couple or anything. It was true that he sometimes woke to find Viggo lying, propped on one elbow just watching him and occasionally he caught some shadow pass behind Viggo's eyes, when they were talking, not that they tended to do much talking. Whenever he had thought he noticed something, though, it was gone, like a ripple in water, leaving him faintly disturbed.
And then they had met in Toronto, where Sean had told an interviewer that he hadn't seen Viggo for about 18months, which hadn't actually been true. They both had a legitimate reason for being there, each having a film at the festival and had been able to appear in public together. Sean had even been so bold as to put his arm round Viggo in a matey, blokeish way for a photograph.
Later they had met in Viggo's hotel room and as usual, had devoured each other, managing to get their clothes off just inside the door, also as usual, failing to make it to the bed before their first rough and passionate coupling.
Sometimes Sean marvelled at how turned on by each other they got and how quickly they recovered, ready for another round, frankly much quicker than he did for the girls he dated, but at his age, he wasn't going to knock it.
They had finally made it to the bed and spent half the night engaged in their energetic reunion, until they had finally fallen into an exhausted, but satisfied sleep.
In the morning, Sean had woken to find Viggo watching him again, and as he had opened his eyes, he had again caught that fleeting shadow in the eyes a few inches away from his own, before Viggo had managed to conceal it.
That had been when he had just had to open his big mouth and start the fatal argument.
'What ?' he had said. Just that.
'What what ?' Viggo frowned as if the question irritated him.
'Yer know, Vig. What is that look I keep seeing ? Every so often it's as if something dark passes behind yer eyes, then gets switched off.'
'And you've noticed this before, Sean ?'
'Well, yeah, over the years, I have.'
'Yet you've never actually thought to ask about it before?'
'Well, I sort of have, but it's like that habit you have of watching me sleep. I noticed and wondered, but...' Sean searched for the rest of the sentence. If the truth were told, he couldn't explain to himself, let alone Viggo, why he had never asked him before, or what had possessed him to raise it now. They had been doing fine as they were, hadn't they ?
Now Viggo was regarding him coldly and seemed to have withdrawn from him physically. Those eyes of his could certainly look like icy grey-green pools, as that Alatriste author had it. No wonder he had been cast in the part.
'I think, Sean that with your customary eloquence, you are expressing exactly what is wrong with this relationship.'
Sarcasm dripped from every word and Sean struggled to understand what had gone wrong. This was not fair. Viggo was supposed to be the one who was good with words and now Sean seemed to be in the dog-house, because he couldn't explain himself. Anyway, it was news to him that there was anything wrong with the fucking relationship, and he had just woken up and he needed a piss !
Suddenly, Sean lost his temper, throwing aside the duvet and leaping out of bed, shouting over his shoulder as he stalked to the bathroom,
'Fuck you, Viggo ! I only asked a simple question and suddenly you freeze me out !'
He slammed the door behind him in righteous indignation, before thankfully relieving his complaining bladder. Reluctant to go back out there and face Captain Alatriste's icy glare, he showered and towelled himself off, shaved and used Viggo's tooth brush. Having done all this, he realized that he had exhausted all the possibilities and would have to go back into the bedroom. He was not angry any more, but his stomach had become home to a swarm of apprehensive butterflies.
Viggo had been standing with his back to him, gazing out of the window, still naked, which was reassuring, but the tension evident n his back muscles was not.
'Vig !' Sean had said softly, but he had to repeat it twice, before Viggo turned round, his arms folded defensively. Sean had taken a step back, startled by the cold, tight expression on Viggo's face.
'Sean, I think it would be best if you just go !'
'But, why, Vig ' What the fuck am I supposed to have done ?'
'You and I clearly want different things from this relationship, Sean. I have tried to give you what you wanted and agonised over it . I really believed you didn't know and you weren't hurting me on purpose, but now I know you had noticed something and it just suited you to fucking ignore it !'
'Well if there was something bothering you, why didn't yer ever say ? Yer seemed happy enough with me cock down yer throat or buried in yer arse !'
If possible, Viggo became even colder and stiller and when he spoke, his voice was as strained as his white, clenched knuckles.
'Just go !'
He was clearly battling with himself to avoid punching Sean, who shook his head as he gathered his clothes.
'Look, can't we just..' SLAM.
Sean had found himself alone in the room as the bathroom door slammed and the bolt slid into place. He had continued dressing, still trying to work out what the problem was, and then, still faced with the unforgiving bathroom door, he had left.
And that had been that ; not a word or sighting of Viggo since. There had not even been a Christmas card.
Sean rested his head against the cool window pane, watching each drop of rain wind on its little journey and plunge into the abyss. He had an aching hole somewhere inside. Dammit, he missed Viggo.
He had gone this long without seeing him before, it was true, but they had never parted in the way they had in Toronto. That had seemed somehow "final" and he couldn't for the life of him understand why Viggo would want to end their friendship like that.
There was also this gnawing feeling that somehow he had been to blame. He had rung a couple of times and left messages, but they had not been returned and he still didn?t know what he had done.
He had even surfed the internet for information about Viggo's whereabouts and had seen pictures from New York, Palm Springs and the Track 16 Exhibition in LA. Viggo had even been in the audience at the Golden Globes and there had been another picture of him kissing David fucking Cronenberg.
Viggo looked terrific, if a little tired and Sean cursed the fact that after spending three quarters of his life in LA in the past few years, he was contractually trapped here in London and couldn't just go and see him and... sort it out, somehow.
Sean threw his head back and howled, punching the window-sill in his anguish and frustration.
Summary: Sean watches the rain and wonders what went wrong
Rated: R
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: RainChapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Word count: 3814 Read: 1867
Published: 08 Aug 2009 Updated: 08 Aug 2009