Summary: Follows "Dirty Blond" -- what was Sean's explanation to the hair crew? Co-written with Lamath.

Rated: NC-17

Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo

Warnings: None

Challenges:

Series: Great Explanations

Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes

Word count: 1884 Read: 1576

Published: 07 Aug 2009 Updated: 07 Aug 2009

(The next day...)

Props Guy: What happened to this wig?

Sean: Um. It... ah... fell.

Props Guy: Fell into what? A mud bath for orcs?

Sean: ... Yes.

Props Guy: And what the hell's all this white flaky stuff?

Sean: Um. Hmmm. Errr... (PJ shows up, examines the wig, shakes his head in disgust)

PJ: Looks like cheap airplane glue. You been sniffin' on set, Bean? That would explain a lot, actually. You could barely move your arse yesterday in Moria.

Sean: Um. Yeah. I've been huffin' glue, that's it.

(Later that day...)

Viggo: Hey, Sean... Why did Peter just leave a brochure in our trailer called 'Overcoming Your Drug Addiction'?

Sean: (punches Viggo in the arm) This is all YOUR bloody fault! PJ took one look at the bird's nest you turned my wig into and assumed I had an addiction of some sort...

Viggo: (grabs Sean's ass) Well, you DO. (coyly) Don't you?

Sean: Gulp. Um. Yeah.

Viggo: (evil grin) So...?

Sean: Oh no you don't. If this keeps up, Peter will have me in a drug rehabilitation centre by the end of the week!

Viggo: (intrigued) Does that mean you'll be all tied up in a strait jacket?

Sean: No. That's a mental asylum. That's where he'll put you tomorrow.

Viggo: (looks thoughtful) Oh. Err... what does Peter know of my involvement in all this? My name wasn't mentioned, was it?

Sean: (evasive) What if it was?

Viggo: Then retribution would be in order, naturally.

Sean: (grins) Hey, did I mention the replacement wig's arriving tomorrow?

Viggo: (raises eyebrow) Oh yeah...?

Sean: Yeah. (leans forward and gives Viggo a slow, drawn-out kiss). And you know what I'm going to do with it?

Viggo: (incoherent) ...

Sean: (stands up abruptly) I'm not letting you within a mile of that thing ever again, ya evil bastard.

Viggo: Wah...?

Sean: (snickers) That's what I call real retribution.

Viggo: (regains composure) Fine. Be that way. Won't let you come within a mile (grabs Sean's hand, places it over his crotch) of this either, then.

Sean: (pouting) Hey, no fair. It's only a bloody wig, for chrissakes!

Viggo: (triumphant) Ha. Knew you couldn't live without me.

Sean: Fuck you.

Viggo: Sounds great. My place or yours?

Sean: Yours, definitely. Because God only knows how you'd desecrate the rest of my belongings.

Viggo: (pouts) You mean you're not at all curious?

Sean: (sighs) Remember when we got together, I said that you scare me sometimes? Well, this is one of those times.

Viggo: (amused) Bitch, bitch, bitch. All you ever do is complain.

Sean: Hey, I didn't complain about the total pounding you gave my arse the other day, did I? And you saw me yesterday in Moria -- I could barely sit down, and nobody said anything but I knew they were blaming me for having to re-do the scene so many times, and...

Viggo: (mildly) See what I mean?

Sean: (grins) Well, why don't you do something to shut me up, then?

Viggo: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Sean: (raises eyebrow) You saying you wouldn't?

Viggo: (grins) Thought you just said your ass was sore.

Sean: It is, you sod. (cheekily) My jaw still works, though.

Viggo: You sure there isn't anything else you'd like to give a good workout tonight?

Sean: Oi! Are you offering yourself up for a reaming? That's one for the history books.

Viggo: Hey, anything for that wig of yours... (coughs) I mean, anything for you, my love.

Sean: (rolls eyes) Christ, you are so transparent. I should just buy you a cheap wig so you can wank off into it anytime you want. Bet the props crew would be happy to chip in for it, even.

Viggo: (thoughtful) Okay, get an auburn one though. I think you'd make a beautiful redhead...

Sean: I'm not gonna wear it, you wanker!

Viggo: (pouts) Why not? The red will match wonderfully with those strawberries I plan on eating off your body. (smiles)

Sean: (smirking) Afraid there won't be much time for that, luv. Your arse is mine tonight, and it's payback time.

Viggo: (gulps) Uh-oh.

Sean: (licks Viggo) Mm.... tastes like strawberries. (winks)

Viggo: (grins) And you make fun of MY fetishes! What about yours?

Sean: (the voice of innocence) Me? What fetishes?

Viggo: (rolls eyes) Oh, please...

Sean: (charmingly) Whatever do you mean? I haven't a clue what you're talking about, honestly.

Viggo: Then I'll assume you're not interested in those new handcuffs I bought either?

Sean: (mildly) If I didn't know you better, Viggo, I'd think you were trying to divert me from the task at hand. Which is giving your arse a right proper slamming, yeah? Nice try.

Viggo: (smiles winningly) Is this the face of a man who would lie to you?

Sean: I dunno. This is the face that once played the Devil.

Viggo: (amused) This, coming from a guy who's played how many villains now?

Sean: Hey, I'm not bad. I'm just cast that way. You, on the other hand...

Viggo: (snickers) Yeah, like you would have come back for more if I wasn't bad?

Sean: (genially) True. 'Cause, you know, you're such a boring twat otherwise.

Viggo: What do you mean, boring? (punches Sean on the shoulder)

Sean: Well, take today for example. You offered to have me fuck you senseless about 10 minutes ago, and here we are, still fully clothed.

Viggo: We're not gonna do it here, Sean. (snorts) Wouldn't want to mess up any more of your precious belongings!

Sean: (mutters) Fuckin' bastard...

Viggo: Look, my ass is getting sore just sitting here listening to you yammer on. Are we going back to my place or not?

Sean: (impatiently) 'course we are!

(Sean stands up and drags Viggo by the collar outside to his car. He opens up the back door and pushes Viggo inside.)

(Viggo falls backwards onto the backseat. He looks at his surroundings, then back at Sean standing at the door, and grins mischievously.)

Viggo: You know, Sean... (starts unbuttoning his shirt) There's no one else around right now...