Viggo: (makes sweeping gesture) Yo, G! Back that ass up.

Sean: (stops) What?

Viggo: (eyes Sean's ass) Mmm, bootylicious! Wants ta get my freak on! Know what I'm sayin'?

Sean: (frustrated) Christ! Not this again. What's gotten into you?

Viggo: (leers) Question be, boo, who's gonna be gettin' into YOU? Tha V-Dog, dat's who!

Sean: (laughs hysterically) The what?

Viggo: (affronted) What, you's not straight-trippin' to mah fresh freestylin' jive?

Sean: (snorts) Do you even understand what all that means?

Viggo: (sweetly) Don't matter none, homeboy. I jus' wants ta get BUSY. Dig?

Sean: (starts stripping for bed) Look, Vig, I've had a long day...

Viggo: (rubs hands excitedly) Yeah, you's best be gettin' them clothes off wit' a quickness.

Sean: (sighs) I'm really not in the mood tonight.

Viggo: (authoritatively) Puckah up, bee-yatch! Don't be axe'n me to give ya da smackdown!

Sean: (archly) Oh, would that be similar to rugby-tackling?

Viggo: (ogles Sean's body) Yeah, them fly rugbytackle krew be repeatin' mad propz to yo shimmy. So give it up, bruthah!

Sean: (firmly) No.

Viggo: (pleadingly) But I wants to get me some skins, an' I be fully strapped wit' a chubby...

Sean: (shakes head) You are NOT fucking me tonight, and that's final. Why don't I fuck you for a change?

Viggo: (steps back) Hey, no way, boo. Nobody bags up tha V-Dog.

Sean: (looks around innocently) Let's see, now where'd I put that lube you like so much?

Viggo: (waves arms) Step off, G! This bone only give service.

Sean: (snickers) That's not what you said last night.

Viggo: (warning) Now, don't be fuckin' wit' mah flow...

Sean: (wearily) Can we just get to sleep already? You're not getting near my arse tonight.

Viggo: (whines) But peep this, boo, mah dick's on hard... and yo' ass SO phat...

Sean: (sighs) Just save it, Vig.

Viggo: (seductively) But tonight I really wants ta lay some mad pipe in yo' sweet honey biscuits!

Sean: Fine. Want my arse, Captain Caveman? (wiggles ass invitingly) Come get it then.

Viggo: (makes a triumphant grab for it) Boo-yah!

Sean: (side-steps Vig's grab, shouts loudly) Oi! Cop yer mitts off!

Viggo: (suddenly confused) What? Huh?

Sean: (glares menacingly) Blimey! An' shut yer North an' South!

Viggo: (speechless) ...

Sean: (laughs maniacally) Likin' me rabbit?

Viggo: (gapes) Huh?

Sean: (still laughing) Oi! Jus' 'ave a butchers at ye!

Viggo: (frowns) Is that.... ?

Sean: (grins) Yeah. Cockney, like. Jus' geein' ye up, me old china.

Viggo: Errr... Sure. Okay. So can we screw tonight, or what? (looks hopeful)

Sean: (snorts, gets under the covers) Sorry. Ter'night, yer goin' on yer tod. Go 'ave a Barclays.

Viggo: (switches off light, pouts) You're no fun.

Sean: (mumbles sleepily) Word is bond, G. Word is bond.

-- [END] --

Unofficial Cockney Translations:

- North an' South: mouth (rhyming slang -- quite fascinating stuff actually) - rabbit: talk - 'ave a butchers: have/take a look - geein' ye up: teasing - china: mate (short for china plate -- rhyming slang) - goin' on yer tod: you're on your own - Barclays: wank (short for Barclays Bank -- rhyming slang)