Another day without response, another day of strangling silence, another day where two souls drowned in the same despair. Was life all this? Just all of this? Pain, suffering, and silence - did life just contain these? Or was there light in the darkness? Was there a light he had failed to see? Was there a shred of hope he had misinterpreted as darkness?
Mistakes - everyone made them, true, but some mistakes were meant to cut and hurt far deeper than the others. He had made many of such mistakes in life - but he could not afford to make such mistakes now. They were growing further apart each day - he was desperately trying to go on being a leader while fighting their silence.
Weariness - he felt like he had been fighting for years. But it had only been a week or so. And it had taken its toll on him.
Try - he was going to try again. Try and bridge the gap between them, mend the broken bridge or painstakingly build a new one, he didn't care what he had to do to save them both from drowning. If only there was a shred of hope he could cling on to, if only there was a promise to derive strength from - if only... ...
'Sean,' He tried to get some acknowledgement but all he got was silence, just like all the other times this week he had tried.
'I don't know anymore - I'm not sure anymore - I don't know,' he was silenced by the sight of expressionless green eyes turning to meet his.
'You don't?' green eyes mercilessly held him to the spot, pinning him there with all the raw anger in them, 'Well, I do, quite clearly too. It seems to me you got bored of me and decided to have a little extra fun outside,'
How could he say? How could he tell Sean that it had been a mistake, a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing he did sometimes when they were apart too long and he needed assurance but was too scared to admit it? How could he say that?
'It wasn't meant that way,' the words came out all wrong.
'Oh, so you did mean it, didn't you? I knew it - but tell me.. ' as he opened his mouth in an attempt to explain, he was brushed off, ' .. no, don't bother telling me, it doesn't make any difference to what you did,'
'Sean,' his own voice, strangled, desperate.
'Viggo,' the same mocking tone - Sean was deliberately being cruel. It was hurting him to see the same Sean who used to trust him so much, draw away and speak so detachedly, all because he thought Viggo would twist the knife in his heart even deeper.
'No - don't. I don't know anymore,' he repeated himself again. He was scared beyond belief. So terrified that Sean would leave.
Sean said nothing. Just quietly stared out of the window then at the paintings that were scattered on the floor, silent and cruel.
Yet Viggo could see the frailty in the way Sean's fingers twisted around on his lap. The soft breath every few seconds was only a memory of how it used to be like - Sean held against him, breathing against his neck, just liking the feeling of being close to Viggo.
And Viggo had destroyed it all - single-handedly.
'If I let you have one chance, just one, to explain what you were doing that night? Would you take it?' Sean asked.
'Yes - only if you'd listen, please?'
Silence was his only answer and he took his chance, choosing his words carefully but still fumbling and drowning in the end.
'I didn't mean it to hurt you - you have no idea, how much I was used to having you in my arms at night that when you were away, it hurt. It hurt as if you had left me forever. I was scared - scared beyond expression. It seemed so cold, sleeping in a bed without you - every night I'd pray - yes, I'd pray - pray that you would return soon, pray that you wouldn't have left me for good,'
Viggo was lost. He was being utterly honest now.
'But you couldn't bear with it,' Sean's sentence was no question but a statement. Sean sounded cool but Viggo could see the uncertainty hovering in those green eyes.
'No I couldn't. And I just slipped,' Viggo agreed painfully.
'You just left - I didn't know if you were ever going to come back,' Viggo looked lost now, his eyes pained and desperate.
'But you found him,'
'I thought he was a perfect substitute until you walked in. I just realised at the moment how vacant he looked next to you. He wasn't you. He could never replace you. It was a mistake,'
Viggo went on.
'I would have held you close, cradled you close in my heart, but I didn't know what to do,'
Viggo ended softly - he was sure Sean had caught the last part.
One minute...
Two minutes...
Three minutes. Viggo hated the silence.
Four minutes... ...
Sean spoke at last.
'If I let you hold me close, cradle me close right now, would you?'
As he felt Sean's cold body press against his, Viggo whispered softly.
'I would and I would know what to do right now,'
The bridge had been mended, two drowning souls had been hauled back to light again.
Summary: Viggo breaks the bridge of trust and now has to save them both from drowning in despair. But will Sean allow himself to be saved?
Rated: PG-13
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: NoneChapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 924 Read: 945
Published: 06 Aug 2009 Updated: 06 Aug 2009