~*~*~
"Sean!" Viggo said, and Sean had to wince at the eagerness in Viggo's voice.
"It's not too late, is it?" he asked, glancing at the clock.
"No no," Viggo replied. "It's early for you, isn't it? What with you living on theater time, you lucky bastard."
This would be a hell of a lot easier if Viggo had been asleep and surly for having been woken up, Sean thought. Not that Viggo tended to be surly when woken in the middle of the night. Confused, yes, almost comically so at times, but never grumpy. Never like me.
"How's that going?" Viggo asked, and Sean blinked a little, realizing that he'd not replied to Viggo's last comment. "The reviews I've seen have all be good."
"It's good," Sean said. "It's a bloody fantastic cast; you're right. I'm a lucky bastard."
"Sean?" Viggo asked. "What's wrong?"
Damn the man for being so perceptive. Sean opened his mouth to insist that nothing was wrong and then shut it again. If Viggo could hear the strain in his voice, he'd sure as hell hear a lie.
"I haven't been to bed," he said, reaching for his pack of cigarettes. As he lit up, the first mouthful of smoke tasted too harsh and he winced as he reached for his mug of tea.
"Insomnia again?" Viggo asked, his voice sympathetic.
"I went home with Katie," Sean blurted out, wanting to jar Viggo out of his amiable mood.
"Katie," Viggo said, and Sean found himself wishing that he could read Viggo's voice as easily as Viggo could read his.
"One of the witches," Sean explained. "She's got red hair. Well, they all have red hair; it's very striking."
"I thought you liked blondes," Viggo murmured and this time he did sound cool. It didn't give Sean the satisfaction he'd expected.
"I ... bloody hell," Sean muttered, not really knowing what to say.
"Sean? Why did you call and tell me this at ... what, 10 in the morning?"
"I ... did you fuck Orlando after I left?"
"This isn't about Orlando or who I slept with," Viggo said sharply. "Sean, why did you call?"
"Because it should have been a great fuck," Sean snapped. "She's beautiful, not interested in any kind of commitment, isn't looking for me to advance her career and she looks bloody fantastic with her mouth wrapped around a bloke's cock."
There was silence on the other side of the line and Sean wondered if Viggo was getting ready to say 'it happens to everyone.'
"I was bored out of my mind," Sean said, after it became obvious that Viggo wasn't going to say anything. "I don't think she could tell, or I dunno ... maybe she could. It just ... damnit Viggo. I used to be straight!"
"Ah," Viggo said, and his voice was, if anything, even more understanding than it had been earlier. "You know what I think of labels."
"Spare me the politically correct shite," Sean growled. "I don't care what you think of labels."
"I know."
Viggo's calm answer brought Sean up short.
'It's just ... fuck it all to hell Viggo. I thought it -- the thing with you -- was something I'd leave behind. Something that was outside real life."
"If you thought that," Viggo asked. "Why ask about who I slept with after you left? And if you really want to know," he added before Sean could come up with an answer. "I had sex with Miranda, Dave and Cecily from Feet." He paused. "And not Orlando."
"Oh," Sean said and he couldn't help imagining Viggo and Dave in bed together, couldn't help wondering if Viggo had been speechless and gasping after Dave fucked him. Or had Viggo fucked Dave? Had he left Sean's "little brother" as stunned and confused as he'd left Sean? Had he fucked Dave because Dave looked like Sean or was it just something friendly-like?
"Why not?" The question came out before Sean could stop it.
"Because he's too young and I really prefer my men to be a little more butch," Viggo replied.
"And straight."
"Is that what you think?" Viggo asked quietly. "That I set out to seduce you and that, thanks to me, you're suddenly gay?"
It sounded stupid when Viggo said it, and once more Sean was left without an answer.
"God, Sean," Viggo began and then his voice faded as if he too was at a loss for words.
"Look I know it's not logical," Sean began. "And it's not like that." He sighs. "Or at least that's not all of it."
"But it's part of it."
"Yeah. Christ, I'm sorry Viggo."
"Did you actually want it?" Viggo says as if he hadn't even heard Sean's apology. "Or was it just that you...."
"Was I what?"
"Were you too fucked up to know what you wanted?"
Whatever Sean was expecting, it wasn't that, and he rocked back as if Viggo had physically struck him.
"My turn to apologize," Viggo says, sounding subdued. "But Sean ... you were so determined to leave it behind. What was I supposed to think? I've never been anyone's mid-life crisis before and I have yet to have my own."
"Viggo, I get the point you're trying to make."
"No Sean, I don't know that you do," Viggo said insistently. "You act like it's perfectly all right to...."
"To take advantage of you, to call you up in the middle of the night after ignoring you for weeks or months at a time, to leave in the middle of the night after we've fu ... made love, hell, to call it fucking instead of making love." Sean drew a deep breath. "It's not like I haven't heard it all before, Viggo."
"Like it's perfectly all right to blame me for something that's not my fault. Don't mistake me for one of your ex-wives."
"You're right." Sean leaned back in his chair, his fatigue finally catching up with him. Thank God it's not a matinee day.
"What can I say, Viggo? All I know is that I miss you more than I've missed anyone in my life, and no amount of fucking around helps. It just makes it worse."
There was more silence and Sean had enough time to hate himself for crossing some unspoken line before Viggo spoke again
"God, Sean," Viggo murmured. "I didn't know."
"How could you; I'm notorious for not saying what I feel."
"That makes it mean more when you finally do say something." Viggo drew a deep breath. "You know it's been a long time since I saw any theater in London."
"You would do that? Come here?"
"I miss you too, you know," Viggo said, and Sean felt a tightness in his chest loosen. "For a long time I tried to pretend that I didn't. It was safer."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Viggo said and Sean could hear the forgiveness in his voice. "Some of it's my stuff too; I'm not easy to ... well I'm not easy."
In any other conversation Sean would have made the obvious joke, but now he just shook his head. "Please," he said quietly. "Please come to London. I want to figure this out, and this time I want to ... to get it right."
"We will," Viggo said. "We will."
Summary: Sean calls Viggo to lay some blame.
Rated: PG-13
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: NoneChapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 1220 Read: 705
Published: 16 Aug 2009 Updated: 16 Aug 2009