Slowly Viggo drifted out of the light sleep he had been in a few moments before. For some reason, he felt dizzy and was not exactly sure where he was. A slight headache and another kind of ache in his abdomen-he had a fairly good guess what the source of that one was- didn't exactly make it the most pleasant awakening of his life, though.
Blinking owlishly in the greyish light of mid-morning, he turned on his side and lay there for a while. He was just trying to figure out why he was in Sean's (he no longer dared to think of it as theirs ) apartment, when he heard the door to the bathroom open and the familiar pattern of Sean's footsteps approach the bed.
He lay utterly still, keeping his breath even and composed, feigning sleep. It was so quiet you could have heard a needle drop. After what seemed to Viggo like an eternity he felt the hesitant, questioning touch of Sean's finger on his shoulder.
'Viggo, I think it is time we had a talk.'
The words felt like a mental slap. 'What was there to talk about?' Viggo wondered idly. It wasn't like he had walked out on Sean, on them, simply because a pretty girl had waved her hips around in front of him once too often!
He was surprised by his own bitterness and tried to swallow the sting as best as he could.
Apparently, he didn't succeed properly, because when he turned around to look at Sean he saw the other flinch and avert his eyes. Despite his earlier thoughts, Viggo immediately felt guilty for that look. He didn't use it very often when he wasn't acting, really.
While he lunged for his pants and idly wondered how fucking lonely he had to have been to want last night to happen in spite of this thing that hung between them like a huge spider's web, he remembered an incident some years ago.
He had met up with Ryo Ishibahi and they had gone to one of the local Japanese restaurants, spending the next few hours with some catching up. Suddenly-Viggo didn't exactly remember when- some kids had started making trouble, so Viggo had raised his eyes and merely looked at one of them. The kid gulped and shut up immediately.
Viggo had turned his attention back to his guest, only to catch Ryo mumbling something about "tatsu no me" and chuckling to himself.
When Viggo had asked him what he meant, Ryo explained:
'The look you gave that kid. You only use it half-consciously when you are very pissed off about something. It is pure, calculated white fire. Like the anger of a celestial dragon in Chinese mythology. They are usually very kind and friendly and it takes a very long time to rouse them.'
'It just seems kind of strange to see a dog with a dragon's fire?' Ryo had finished and had gone back to his beer, leaving Viggo to ponder.
Padding down the stairs to the kitchen, where Sean was already preparing a cup of coffee for himself and a gourd of maté for Viggo by the smell of things, the American bit his lip with regret.
No matter what Sean had done or not done, he deserved better than to be glared away. Viggo entered the kitchen, head bowed and thinking. He made straight for the counter and reached out his hand to grab the gourd, when Sean's fingers brushed against the back of his hand.
Again, the touch was soft, hesitant, questioning. Slowly Viggo raised his eyes and smiled at Sean, which kindled a small answering light in the Brit's eyes.
It pained Viggo beyond belief to think back to three months before now when each morning had been filled with laughter, jokes and far from hesitant touches.
He sat down at the table and waited for Sean to get his coffee and sit down opposite him. The other's posture, shoulders hunched and eyes focused on his coffee, reminded Viggo of the shy politeness Sean exhibited around journalists and fans.
'Sean', Viggo began softly, 'what is there to talk about?' The Brit looked up, startled out of his thoughts, coughed discreetly. Viggo reached out with his hand, fingers slowly creeping along the surface of the table.
Sean seemed lost in his thoughts again. After a minute he cleared his throat again and brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes, began:
'I came back because I could not not come back.' He smiled, ruefully and his green eyes - leaf-green in the light of the morning sun- glinted.
'You see, Vig, you caught me.. somehow and some part of me hated the thought of being...' Sean licked his lips, clearly looking for the right word.. not exclusively a woman's man. The Sheffield lad I was raised to be didn't like the idea of being looked at strangely and being whispered about.'
Viggo nodded his understanding. He himself didn't much care for labels and categories of any kind, least of all the ones concerning his love life. He loved whom he loved and their sex and gender usually were not that big a factor in his decision-making process.
But he had a pretty good idea of what it must have been like for Sean to suddenly have a connection to the words "gay" or "fag".
'So I went ahead and got rid of the person who had made me doubt, question and look at myself. You. I felt a lot freer, more relaxed with Georgina than I had with you. She didn't look behind the stuff I did, she didn't care much about the questions I had. She didn't challenge me to grow '. Another sarcastic grin, that seemed so alien on Sean's face 'At least I thought she didn't.'
He didn't know why, but suddenly Viggo realised how demanding their relationship had been, how much he had simply assumed that Sean was like him, always questioning, always trying to see things in a new light. He wanted to open his mouth and apologise but bit his lip and said nothing.
Some of his thoughts must have registered on his face, because Sean smiled and reached out a hand to give him a reassuring, if brief, pat on the shoulder.
'It is not that I mind you being the way you are and that you wanted to share this with me. Not at all. But sometimes, you are just too intense and the - forgive the lousy metaphor but as you know, I'm not a poet - fire of your enthusiasm just was too much. Could you please try to slow down a little in future?'
He was too occupied with being ashamed at Sean's easy understanding and acceptance of his character quirks to pay much attention to the last sentence and its implications. Besides, there was another question burning at the front of his thoughts.
For a moment Viggo hesitated. Then he raised his eyes, clenched and unclenched his left hand resting beside his plate. Then he opened his mouth and asked:
'How did Georgina challenge you? You said you thought she didn't, which implies she did, so I thought.. ' Viggo mumbled on. He felt very unsure about all of this and Sean' low chuckle didn't help matters.
He looked up and saw Sean smile:
'Well, that girl does not confer to the blond stereotype, not by any stretch. Nah, not her!' Sean smiled and continued 'I thought I hid myself very well but one evening she remarked nonchalantly that I should go back to you.'
Viggo blinked and blurted out: 'So you only came back because she suggested it?!'
Noticing the bitterness in his voice Sean licked his lower lip nervously and then continued:
'No! Please Viggo! I came back because she was right when she said I needed you and wanted to be with you.' Sean hesitated: 'Frankly, I have grown tired of running away from myself.'
A determined look came into Sean's eyes and Viggo regretted all thoughts, feelings and words he had had up to this morning.
Sighing, he smirked and looked at Sean: 'Gods, we are a pair of fools, aren't we?' He saw Sean nod and stand up before coming over to his side of the table.
For a moment Sean stood motionless and Viggo wondered what was passing through his mind. Suddenly Sean sat in his lap and before Viggo knew what was happening to him he felt warm and soft lips against his own.
'Which is why we two were made for one another, don't you think?'
He nodded and smiled as he kissed Sean back. Well, they would see how well they'd manage the dance of life together.
But dance they would, that much was certain.
The End
End notes: "tatsu no me" means "eyes of a dragon", as far as I know.
Viggo's Chinese astrological sign is a dog and dogs are loyal and brave to my limited knowledge, while dragons tend towards the self-righteous and egoistical end :)
Summary: The first thing Viggo does in his new flat... Note: Made for the VigBean vol.2 Challenge.
Rated: NC-17
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: AloneChapters: 11 Completed: Yes
Word count: 6180 Read: 14230
Published: 15 Aug 2009 Updated: 15 Aug 2009
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter written by Tessy