“You really shouldn’t have drunk that beer.”
Sean lifted his head from the sink, meeting Viggo’s eyes in the mirror. It was the first time he looked at Viggo since arriving in New Zealand for the impromptu reunion. Downstairs, the hobbits and Orlando -- who were all in their thirties at least now, but still behaved like they were twelve when with each other -- continued to make a ruckus.
“Can’t let me reputation go down the drain, can it?”
Viggo snorted, shaking his head. But there was a glass of cold water in his hand, spiked with only lemon, and he dropped a wet cloth on Sean’s face.
“Idiot.”
Sean wiped his face and took a long drink. He took another gulp, swirling it all over his mouth before he spat into the sink. Bile was disgusting.
“Aye,” he said. There was no use denying it, not to this man.
But Viggo only gave him a flickering smile. “Come on,” he said, and his hand was warm on Sean’s sweaty arm. He dropped the toilet lid down and Sean sat down on it.
“Drugs?”
Sean made an affirmative sound. He tipped his head up to look at Viggo, and he noticed that the lines seemed to have set even deeper around his eyes. He looked like he had aged at least a few years since the last time Sean had seen him. Sean looked away.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
“Yer going ta choke on yer nobility one day,” Sean said, but there was no anger behind his words, only a heavy resignation. “I used you worse than the damn condom, and I’m damn sorry ‘bout it.”
“Guilt isn’t as bad a look on you as self-pity,” Viggo shot back. He dropped down to sit on the still-dry bathroom floor, folding his legs underneath him. “How are your feet?”
“Not as bad as they looked the last time you saw them.”
They looked at each other and Sean licked his lips. He didn’t look away.
“You look better,” Viggo said. He reached out and took the cloth from Sean’s hand, leaning forward and gently wiping the sweat on his neck, down to the hollow of his throat. Sean tensed at the first touch, but he let the breath out, letting it ease out between his teeth.
“Why did you kiss me, Vig?” his voice was whisper-loud.
Viggo gave him one of his half-smiles, and he shrugged again. “I don’t know.” He paused, and sighed. “I wanted to.”
Do you still want to, Sean wanted to ask, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t know how to deal with the answer, no matter what it was.
“Alright,” he said instead. He finished the water and sat it down on the ground.
“Are we still friends?” Viggo asked, the question seeming to burst out of him.
Were they? Could they be? Sean didn’t know. He stared at his feet.
“I want us ta be,” he replied, and he knew it wasn’t an answer at all. But he was alright with that.
It was the truth, and that was better than chasing dreams.
End
Summary: There’s nothing anyone can do that is worse than what you can do to yourself.
Rated: NC-17
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: None
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: NoneChapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Word count: 20548 Read: 2171
Published: 28 Jan 2013 Updated: 28 Jan 2013
Author's Chapter Notes:
There are two endings to this. Either it ends here, or you read the epilogue. If you feel as if the story's fine as it is, don't click on the link. If you want at least a hint of hope, click ahead.