(The next day...)

Props Guy: What happened to this wig?

Sean: Um. It... ah... fell.

Props Guy: Fell into what? A mud bath for orcs?

Sean: ... Yes.

Props Guy: And what the hell's all this white flaky stuff?

Sean: Um. Hmmm. Errr... (PJ shows up, examines the wig, shakes his head in disgust)

PJ: Looks like cheap airplane glue. You been sniffin' on set, Bean? That would explain a lot, actually. You could barely move your arse yesterday in Moria.

Sean: Um. Yeah. I've been huffin' glue, that's it.

(Later that day...)

Viggo: Hey, Sean... Why did Peter just leave a brochure in our trailer called 'Overcoming Your Drug Addiction'?

Sean: (punches Viggo in the arm) This is all YOUR bloody fault! PJ took one look at the bird's nest you turned my wig into and assumed I had an addiction of some sort...

Viggo: (grabs Sean's ass) Well, you DO. (coyly) Don't you?

Sean: Gulp. Um. Yeah.

Viggo: (evil grin) So...?

Sean: Oh no you don't. If this keeps up, Peter will have me in a drug rehabilitation centre by the end of the week!

Viggo: (intrigued) Does that mean you'll be all tied up in a strait jacket?

Sean: No. That's a mental asylum. That's where he'll put you tomorrow.

Viggo: (looks thoughtful) Oh. Err... what does Peter know of my involvement in all this? My name wasn't mentioned, was it?

Sean: (evasive) What if it was?

Viggo: Then retribution would be in order, naturally.

Sean: (grins) Hey, did I mention the replacement wig's arriving tomorrow?

Viggo: (raises eyebrow) Oh yeah...?

Sean: Yeah. (leans forward and gives Viggo a slow, drawn-out kiss). And you know what I'm going to do with it?

Viggo: (incoherent) ...

Sean: (stands up abruptly) I'm not letting you within a mile of that thing ever again, ya evil bastard.

Viggo: Wah...?

Sean: (snickers) That's what I call real retribution.

Viggo: (regains composure) Fine. Be that way. Won't let you come within a mile (grabs Sean's hand, places it over his crotch) of this either, then.

Sean: (pouting) Hey, no fair. It's only a bloody wig, for chrissakes!

Viggo: (triumphant) Ha. Knew you couldn't live without me.

Sean: Fuck you.

Viggo: Sounds great. My place or yours?

Sean: Yours, definitely. Because God only knows how you'd desecrate the rest of my belongings.

Viggo: (pouts) You mean you're not at all curious?

Sean: (sighs) Remember when we got together, I said that you scare me sometimes? Well, this is one of those times.

Viggo: (amused) Bitch, bitch, bitch. All you ever do is complain.

Sean: Hey, I didn't complain about the total pounding you gave my arse the other day, did I? And you saw me yesterday in Moria -- I could barely sit down, and nobody said anything but I knew they were blaming me for having to re-do the scene so many times, and...

Viggo: (mildly) See what I mean?

Sean: (grins) Well, why don't you do something to shut me up, then?

Viggo: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Sean: (raises eyebrow) You saying you wouldn't?

Viggo: (grins) Thought you just said your ass was sore.

Sean: It is, you sod. (cheekily) My jaw still works, though.

Viggo: You sure there isn't anything else you'd like to give a good workout tonight?

Sean: Oi! Are you offering yourself up for a reaming? That's one for the history books.

Viggo: Hey, anything for that wig of yours... (coughs) I mean, anything for you, my love.

Sean: (rolls eyes) Christ, you are so transparent. I should just buy you a cheap wig so you can wank off into it anytime you want. Bet the props crew would be happy to chip in for it, even.

Viggo: (thoughtful) Okay, get an auburn one though. I think you'd make a beautiful redhead...

Sean: I'm not gonna wear it, you wanker!

Viggo: (pouts) Why not? The red will match wonderfully with those strawberries I plan on eating off your body. (smiles)

Sean: (smirking) Afraid there won't be much time for that, luv. Your arse is mine tonight, and it's payback time.

Viggo: (gulps) Uh-oh.

Sean: (licks Viggo) Mm.... tastes like strawberries. (winks)

Viggo: (grins) And you make fun of MY fetishes! What about yours?

Sean: (the voice of innocence) Me? What fetishes?

Viggo: (rolls eyes) Oh, please...

Sean: (charmingly) Whatever do you mean? I haven't a clue what you're talking about, honestly.

Viggo: Then I'll assume you're not interested in those new handcuffs I bought either?

Sean: (mildly) If I didn't know you better, Viggo, I'd think you were trying to divert me from the task at hand. Which is giving your arse a right proper slamming, yeah? Nice try.

Viggo: (smiles winningly) Is this the face of a man who would lie to you?

Sean: I dunno. This is the face that once played the Devil.

Viggo: (amused) This, coming from a guy who's played how many villains now?

Sean: Hey, I'm not bad. I'm just cast that way. You, on the other hand...

Viggo: (snickers) Yeah, like you would have come back for more if I wasn't bad?

Sean: (genially) True. 'Cause, you know, you're such a boring twat otherwise.

Viggo: What do you mean, boring? (punches Sean on the shoulder)

Sean: Well, take today for example. You offered to have me fuck you senseless about 10 minutes ago, and here we are, still fully clothed.

Viggo: We're not gonna do it here, Sean. (snorts) Wouldn't want to mess up any more of your precious belongings!

Sean: (mutters) Fuckin' bastard...

Viggo: Look, my ass is getting sore just sitting here listening to you yammer on. Are we going back to my place or not?

Sean: (impatiently) 'course we are!

(Sean stands up and drags Viggo by the collar outside to his car. He opens up the back door and pushes Viggo inside.)

(Viggo falls backwards onto the backseat. He looks at his surroundings, then back at Sean standing at the door, and grins mischievously.)

Viggo: You know, Sean... (starts unbuttoning his shirt) There's no one else around right now...

So, in Part I, we'd left off with:

(Sean stands up and drags Viggo by the collar outside to his car. He opens up the back door and pushes Viggo inside.)

(Viggo falls backwards onto the backseat. He looks at his surroundings, then back at Sean standing at the door, and grins mischievously.)

Viggo: You know, Sean... (starts unbuttoning his shirt) There's no one else around right now...

-- [*] --

Sean: (dives into car, shuts door) It would appear you are correct.

Viggo: (pulls off Sean's shirt) So c'mon then...

Sean: (licks Viggo's throat) Enough talking, yeah? (kisses Viggo)

Viggo: (kisses Sean) Mmmffff...

Sean: (strips) Ahhhh....

Viggo: (strips too) Yeah...

Sean: (claws at Viggo) Mmmmm...

Viggo: (strokes Sean's cock) Ooohhhh...

Sean: (panting) Let's go. Hand over the lube.

Viggo: (stops, frowns) Don't have any.

Sean: (frustrated) What?

Viggo: Thought you had it.

Sean: I've been on set all day. Where was I supposed to carry it?

Viggo: Dunno, under your wig maybe?

Sean: (rolls eyes) Please. Not that again.

Viggo: (checks glove compartment) Look, there's a bit left in here.

Sean: (wrinkles nose) Ewww. How long has that tube been lying around?

Viggo: (settles back, spreads legs) You tell ME... this is your car!

Sean: (grabs lube) Um. Never you mind that.

Viggo: (being prepped) C'mon, hurry up.

Sean: (slowly adds finger #3) Hey, I'm doing this for your benefit...

Viggo: (squirms) Really. Very charitable of you, thanks.

Sean: (sighs) Not MY fault you're so goddamn tight. If it were up to me you'd be getting stretched every single day, and we wouldn't have this problem. (slides in carefully)

Viggo: (grimaces, adjusts) Problem? Sorry, didn't realize fucking me was such a chore.

Sean: (amused) Now who's the one bitching, eh?

Viggo: (wriggling) Look, would you just MOVE already?

Sean: (grins) Like this, you mean? (starts thrusting)

Viggo: (shouts loudly) Ohhh, YEAH...

Sean: (stops, alert) Hey, did you hear that?

Viggo: (panting) Hear what?

(PJ appears at car window)

PJ: Sean, good, there you are, I wanted to ask... oh. Oh my.

Sean: Ummm... *dies*

Viggo: Errr... (tries to cover up)

PJ: (embarrassed) Right, then. Sorry, lads, I'll leave you to it.

(PJ runs off)

Sean: (aghast) Oh, brilliant, Viggo. Announce it to all of New Zealand, why don't you.

Viggo: (pouts) Wasn't MY fault.

Sean: (rolls up car window) It was! Do you always have to shout the place down?

Viggo: (offended) Aren't you flattered that I'm making such appreciative noises?

Sean: Not when the whole bloody set can hear you, no.

Viggo: (hooks leg over Sean) Fine. I'll just lie back and think of England whenever you screw me. (glances up) Oh, look, is that a British flag over my head?

Sean: (already muttering) First PJ thinks I'm on drugs, now this. Christ. I bet he's definitely gonna toss me into the mental asylum now...

Viggo: (mumbles) Good...

Sean: ... and they'll put me in one of those Hannibal Lecter masks, so I can't talk.

Viggo: (sarcastic) Oh, if only.

Sean: Fuck you.

Viggo: (snickers) Isn't that what you've been trying to do for the past ten minutes? And not very successfully, I might add.

Sean: (smirks) Oh, I'll show you successful... (thrusts in hard)

Viggo: (yelps) Easy! Watch where you put that thing, eh?

Sean: (panting) Where the fuck ELSE am I supposed to put it?

Viggo: (winces) Hey, hold up a sec. Seatbelt buckle's digging into my ass.

Sean: That's just my cock, you idiot.

Viggo: Is your dick square and made of really cold metal?

Sean: (grumbles) Don't be cheeky...

Viggo: No? Then shut up and be still for a second. (adjusts and sighs)

Sean: (sarcastic politeness) May I continue now?

Viggo: (snidely) Continue what? You haven't done anything yet, lazy-ass.

Sean: Oooh, just for that, you're really gonna get it. (starts hammering away)

Viggo: (mutters) Finally...

Sean: Oh, just quit blathering and take it. (speeds up)

Viggo: (moans) oooohkay...

Sean: (sweating) Mmmm. Love it when you moan like that. Do it again.

Viggo: What are you, a porn director? (moans again anyway)

Sean: (grins) Yeah, baby. That's right. You and me fucking and... (hits head on roof) Yowch!

Viggo: (chortles, panting) Hah. Serves you right.

Sean: (bites Viggo's ear) Shut up, you twat...

Viggo: (groans) Make me.

Sean: As you wish. (slams in hard, Viggo whimpers) By the way, that was for pounding the hell out of my knees yesterday.

Viggo: (incoherent) ...

Sean: This (slams in harder) is for destroying my reputation. (starts pumping Viggo's cock)

Viggo: (whimpers) yeah...

Sean: (growls) And this (pounds in really super-hard) is for ruining my fucking wig.

Viggo: (comes) Gahhhhh...

Sean: (comes too) Eeeeeee....

Viggo: mmmffff...

Sean: ahhhhhh...

Viggo: (recovering) Ooh. That was good.

Sean: (breathless) ...Yeah.

Viggo: (pointing) Whoops. I came on the upholstery. Sorry.

Sean: (sighs) S'okay. Club soda'll get that out.

Viggo: (grimaces) You weigh a ton. Move off me, will you?

Sean: (shifts awkwardly) Sorry...

Viggo: And get your elbow out of my face!

Sean: (annoyed) Christ, don't you EVER quit?

Viggo: (smirks) I'll be quiet if you promise to let me play with your replacement wig tomorrow.

Sean: (shakes head in disbelief) Fine. You're doing the explaining to PJ next time, though.